Nov 25

Written by:
11/25/2009 10:42 PM 

A listener called in with this sobering suggestion on the show tonight. Sounds so sensible. But we women who have been in abusive relationships (1 out of 3 women) know it does not work so simply. We may say "I won't tolerate this shouting" but we do- the next time and the next time.

I remember when the first sign of abuse was in my face I thought I am imagining it: this beloved who loves me so much cannot possibly be seriously saying this to me - I think I even laughed. Until I saw his anger . Yet i stayed and when I did leave the fear, the onslaught became worse. I left - over and over again. And finally had to get major professional legal help to get him kicked out of my life together with restraining orders. Yes even I, I who has the privilege of resources, knowledge , and information on abuse, have been taken by a sweet talking abusive man. So I know seldom is the first shout the last shout. Now I revel in the soft gentleness of a tender kind man...

Be kind to yourself as you consider your abuse status - there is never an excuse for a throw away insult, a tracking system on your car or phone, a forced sexual act, a discomfort that you feel in the pit of your stomach. Trust this discomfort- If all you do in the next 16 days is say/write to yourself"I am in an abusive relationship" you will be on your way to recovery. Get professional help - check the list of resources on my blog and make the call - its for free and could set you free. From my wiser heart ...